A good friend met Jesus face-to-face yesterday morning. He had bone cancer and finally lost the mortal battle, but won the eternal one. Ralph Matsen was a hard-headed, loving, generous, opinionated, and complex friend who help Kathy and I get off to a good start in the ministry.
In 1974 I moved from San Jose, California to Eureka, in northern California to become the first youth pastor Bethel Church ever had. Since the church could not pay me enough to live in my own place, I moved in with Ralph and Christine. We started having student meetings in the church, but the environment wasn't right. The room we were assigned was too dark, hard to find and did not lend itself well to junior and senior high students. After a few weeks I asked Ralph and Christine if we could use their family room for student meetings. Our attendance took off and we never looked back. When Kathy and I got married, my salary increased enough so that we were able to rent a small house. About that time, in a conversation with Ralph about how much our group had grown, and we were out of room in their family room, he suggested that we look for a facility that would really help us expand. Ralph was the first out-of-the-box thinker I ever met. We drove around Eureka and looked at all kinds of buildings. We finally settled on a swim and racquet club that had been built for a subdivision and had gone out of business because of a large lawsuit. For a rookie youth pastor, the thought of having this kind of facility was beyond dreaming. We cleaned, painted, landscaped and bought equipment and furniture for the Gathering Inn. At the time, I did not know of another student group anywhere that had their own facility like this. From the pool, to a racquetball court, tennis courts, sauna, large meeting room with a kitchen and room for pool tables and ping pong tables, it was incredible. While a team of students and Kathy and I make the final result a reality, it was Ralph's vision and financial support that made it all happen.
I owe a debt of gratitude to Ralph and Christine for their support, love and help as Kathy and I got started. They believed in us and invested their lives, time and money into ideas that were untested and probably not well planned out. But God blessed our efforts and many, many young people found the Lord in our student meetings. Lives were transformed and several students are in full time ministry today because what happened during that time. So, Ralph, thank you so much for your influence in my life. So long for now, my friend, we'll get the chance to catch up with each other again.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Your Ear Gets Cut Off and It Saves Your LIfe
One of the most interesting stories surrounding the events of Holy Week is the account of the High Priest's servant. Unfortunately the Biblical narrative is very brief, but I began to think about the implications of what happened. Malchus, the High Priest's servant, was probably the equivalent of a modern day executive assistant. The High Priest sent him with the group to arrest Jesus. In fact, he may have been the leader of the group. The High Priest couldn't go because it wouldn't have politically expedient, and he was going to be one of main prosecutors. When the group arrives to make the arrest, one of Jesus' disciples pulls out a sword and off comes Malchus' ear. Can you imagine the pain, and the screaming that took place. Undoubtedly, many other swords came out and it could have gotten ugly right away. Jesus steps up, takes the severed ear and puts it back in place. I wish there would have been a way to capture the astonishment on Malchus' face. I'm sure in Christ's complete and perfect way of doing things, there was not a scar, line or any other evidence that the ear had ever been anything less than perfect. I don't think Jesus cleaned him up. All the blood was still there, and perhaps dirt and leaves and other debris from rolling around on the ground in pain.
Can you imagine the encounter when Malchus went back to report to the High Priest. The HP probably didn't even ask about the arrest at first, he would have wanted to know how Malchus had gotten so dirty, and bloody. Can you imagine the servant trying to explain that his ear had been cut off, and yet when the High Priest examined his ear and scalp, he could see that nothing was wrong with the ear.
I can't help but think that throughout the afternoon, as Jesus hung on the cross, from a distance away Malchus observed all that went on. Every few minutes his hand would slip up to his ear, a finger would run around the spot where it had been severed, and Malchus' heart hurt a little more. Along with the centurion, he may have whispered the words, "truly, He was the son of God." I think Malchus lost an ear (not really) and gained his life...
Can you imagine the encounter when Malchus went back to report to the High Priest. The HP probably didn't even ask about the arrest at first, he would have wanted to know how Malchus had gotten so dirty, and bloody. Can you imagine the servant trying to explain that his ear had been cut off, and yet when the High Priest examined his ear and scalp, he could see that nothing was wrong with the ear.
I can't help but think that throughout the afternoon, as Jesus hung on the cross, from a distance away Malchus observed all that went on. Every few minutes his hand would slip up to his ear, a finger would run around the spot where it had been severed, and Malchus' heart hurt a little more. Along with the centurion, he may have whispered the words, "truly, He was the son of God." I think Malchus lost an ear (not really) and gained his life...
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Sometime It Pays To Be A Rookie
Another story that is totally fascinating to me is the account in Matthew, Mark and Luke of the tearing of the temple curtain. Once again, however, none of the writers goes overboard with their narrative of the incident. Notice, Matt 27:51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. Mark 15:38 The curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. Luke 23:44-45 It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. That is it! One of the biggest events of the whole week and that's all they write. The tremendous symbolism of the curtain tearing is that it gave all of us access to the Holy of Holies. In other words, Jesus really did redeem us, individually and personally, never again would we need a human to go before God for us. What a tremendous change.
We know from the original organizational system of caring for the temple, the Levites or priests had regular rotations and specific duties. They were assigned these duties by clans and in some cases, the special talents and requirements of the job were taught and handed down from generation to generation. I think that on this day, all of the priests wanted to be where the action was. They wanted to see Jesus carry his cross on the Via Dolorosa, they wanted to be at Golgatha to see the nails pounded into his wrists and feet, and they wanted to see what happened as he hung on the cross. I think that they chose the youngest priest with no senority to tend to the temple on that afternoon. This poor guy is already shaking in his boots because he is the only one there. (have you ever been alone in a big church building with all the lights out?) It got dark, the sun stopped shining, the earth shook, and rocks split. I can imagine that this rookie priest was nearly out his mind with fear. And then it happened...he heard an awful tearing sound. He looked into the Holy Place and almost had a heart attack. He clapped his hands over his face and covered his eyes as quickly as he possibly could. For a second he was looking into the Holy of Holies and staring at the Ark of the Covenant. He knew that meant instant death. After a few moments, he realizes he's not dead, he slowly looks through his fingers and, yes, it is the Ark of the Covenant and the huge, thick curtain is now in two parts, each part pushed to the outside walls of the temple. He slowly walks to where the curtain hung. He reaches out, and then quickly pulls his hand back. He reaches out again, and pulls it back. Then he puts in his whole arm, then a leg, and finally he steps into the Holy of Holies. I believe that right then the Holy Spirit came down and started a one man revival right on the spot. I can imagine the rookie priest dancing aroung the Ark, praising God and shouting at the top of his lungs. He was in the manifest presence of God, alive, more alive than he had ever been. So what if he had to stay at the temple and miss all the action. His life would never be the same again.
I pray that as we celebrate Maunday Thursday, Tenebrae and Good Friday services, that God's manifest presence will be real for each one of us. Oh Lord, even if we need to be rookies again, help us know You and the reality of Your sacrifice for us.
We know from the original organizational system of caring for the temple, the Levites or priests had regular rotations and specific duties. They were assigned these duties by clans and in some cases, the special talents and requirements of the job were taught and handed down from generation to generation. I think that on this day, all of the priests wanted to be where the action was. They wanted to see Jesus carry his cross on the Via Dolorosa, they wanted to be at Golgatha to see the nails pounded into his wrists and feet, and they wanted to see what happened as he hung on the cross. I think that they chose the youngest priest with no senority to tend to the temple on that afternoon. This poor guy is already shaking in his boots because he is the only one there. (have you ever been alone in a big church building with all the lights out?) It got dark, the sun stopped shining, the earth shook, and rocks split. I can imagine that this rookie priest was nearly out his mind with fear. And then it happened...he heard an awful tearing sound. He looked into the Holy Place and almost had a heart attack. He clapped his hands over his face and covered his eyes as quickly as he possibly could. For a second he was looking into the Holy of Holies and staring at the Ark of the Covenant. He knew that meant instant death. After a few moments, he realizes he's not dead, he slowly looks through his fingers and, yes, it is the Ark of the Covenant and the huge, thick curtain is now in two parts, each part pushed to the outside walls of the temple. He slowly walks to where the curtain hung. He reaches out, and then quickly pulls his hand back. He reaches out again, and pulls it back. Then he puts in his whole arm, then a leg, and finally he steps into the Holy of Holies. I believe that right then the Holy Spirit came down and started a one man revival right on the spot. I can imagine the rookie priest dancing aroung the Ark, praising God and shouting at the top of his lungs. He was in the manifest presence of God, alive, more alive than he had ever been. So what if he had to stay at the temple and miss all the action. His life would never be the same again.
I pray that as we celebrate Maunday Thursday, Tenebrae and Good Friday services, that God's manifest presence will be real for each one of us. Oh Lord, even if we need to be rookies again, help us know You and the reality of Your sacrifice for us.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Some Unusual Events During Holy Week
I have always been fascinated by the events of Holy Week. From the triumphal entry through the resurrection, and beyond the week to the Day of Pentecost and Christ's ascension. I am continually frustrated by the lack of narrative in the gospels, particularly when an event seems so monumental. Through the years I have taken some of these events and meditated on them and come up with my own idea for why the event is even mentioned at all, and the implications of it for us. During the next few days I'm going to write about some of these.
The first one comes from Mark 14:50-52. Then everyone deserted him and fled. A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind. Now, why in the world is this account in Mark's gospel? What does a New Testament streaker have to do with Christ's arrest? I also find it interesting that verse 50 tells about everyone deserting Christ, which I take it mean all of the disciples and their followers. This young man, in verse 51 is identified as a follower of Jesus as well.
Matthew Henry in his famous commentary says that this young man probably lived near the garden where Jesus was arrested, was curious about all the noise, threw on a linen sheet and went out to investigate. Since everyone else ran away, the Roman soldiers tried to arrest him by grabbing his clothes and he ran out of his clothes, naked as a jaybird (my twist on the story) into the night. The Bible Illustrator commentary says that the young man was the writer of the book of Mark, John Mark. This impulsive behavior, throwing a linen sheet around himself, was consistent with other things that we know about Mark. The commentary also says the reason that this account only appears in the book of Mark is that, since everyone who was following Christ had run away, Mark was the only one who knew what happened when the soldiers tried to grab him. The commentary writer also says that it was common for New Testament writers to include anecdotes about themselves in their writing without identifying themselves.
So there you have it. John Mark, who would eventually write the book of Mark, decides, probably on a whim, to see what all the commotion is about. He wraps himself in a linen cloth and runs into the garden to see what was going on. On the way into the garden he is passed by all the devoted and brave disciples and followers running for their lives the other way. The soldiers try to make at least one arrest beside Jesus, and wind up with just a linen sheet for their troubles. I hope Mark lived nearby the garden. If they had decency laws in that day, he may have been arrested for public nudity.
So what is the takeaway for us living in the 21st century. For all the teaching the disciples received, for all the miracles they saw, for all the changed lives they observed, when "push came to shove", they acted like humans. Finite beings who resorted to self preservation by running as fast as they could away from trouble. As I have thought about this short account, I have wondered if I would have acted differently? Would I admit, unlike Peter, that, "yes, I am one of His followers", or would I have done exactly what Peter did? Fortunately, we know the "rest of the story." We know what happened. We know the triumph of the resurrection. The disciples and followers didn't. So I guess the short answer is that I probably would have done exactly the same as they did. More later...
The first one comes from Mark 14:50-52. Then everyone deserted him and fled. A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind. Now, why in the world is this account in Mark's gospel? What does a New Testament streaker have to do with Christ's arrest? I also find it interesting that verse 50 tells about everyone deserting Christ, which I take it mean all of the disciples and their followers. This young man, in verse 51 is identified as a follower of Jesus as well.
Matthew Henry in his famous commentary says that this young man probably lived near the garden where Jesus was arrested, was curious about all the noise, threw on a linen sheet and went out to investigate. Since everyone else ran away, the Roman soldiers tried to arrest him by grabbing his clothes and he ran out of his clothes, naked as a jaybird (my twist on the story) into the night. The Bible Illustrator commentary says that the young man was the writer of the book of Mark, John Mark. This impulsive behavior, throwing a linen sheet around himself, was consistent with other things that we know about Mark. The commentary also says the reason that this account only appears in the book of Mark is that, since everyone who was following Christ had run away, Mark was the only one who knew what happened when the soldiers tried to grab him. The commentary writer also says that it was common for New Testament writers to include anecdotes about themselves in their writing without identifying themselves.
So there you have it. John Mark, who would eventually write the book of Mark, decides, probably on a whim, to see what all the commotion is about. He wraps himself in a linen cloth and runs into the garden to see what was going on. On the way into the garden he is passed by all the devoted and brave disciples and followers running for their lives the other way. The soldiers try to make at least one arrest beside Jesus, and wind up with just a linen sheet for their troubles. I hope Mark lived nearby the garden. If they had decency laws in that day, he may have been arrested for public nudity.
So what is the takeaway for us living in the 21st century. For all the teaching the disciples received, for all the miracles they saw, for all the changed lives they observed, when "push came to shove", they acted like humans. Finite beings who resorted to self preservation by running as fast as they could away from trouble. As I have thought about this short account, I have wondered if I would have acted differently? Would I admit, unlike Peter, that, "yes, I am one of His followers", or would I have done exactly what Peter did? Fortunately, we know the "rest of the story." We know what happened. We know the triumph of the resurrection. The disciples and followers didn't. So I guess the short answer is that I probably would have done exactly the same as they did. More later...
Saturday, April 16, 2011
The World Is Ready For Another Triumphal Entry
Hundreds of years before Christ made His triumphal entry into Jerusalem, Zechariah wrote in chapter 9, verse 9, Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey. Zechariah goes on to accurately foretell the coming of the Messiah. Matthew, Luke and John all give the account of Christ riding triumphantly into Jerusalem. The three accounts differ on one point. Matthew says the people spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the tress and spread them on the road. Luke says people spread their cloaks on the road. From John's account we get the name Palm Sunday. He said, They took palm branches and went out to meet him.
In each account, the result is the same. The people greeted Jesus as the conquering King who would rule over them and oust the Roman government that was oppressing them. They didn't realize that the humble procession, Jesus riding on a donkey's colt, was meant to represent a different kind of kingdom. One that emphasized the first shall be last, and children, widows and orphans were great in the eyes of the King. This was to be a spiritual kingdom, not a political one.
Today our world is desperate for another triumphal entry. There is not a political ruler in any country who knows what to do. There is unrest in every major region of the world. If it is not political, it is religious. In New Zealand and Japan it is physical as these countries try to recover from devastating earthquakes and the effects of them. Even in our own country we have a multitude of serious issues that are causing division from Congress to the Presidency, to states that are fighting with unions, to unrest at our borders. States that are bankrupt and inflation that is accelerating the erosion of our way of life.
As Christians, we know the only Triumphal Entry that we need has already taken place. Now we look for the Triumphal Return. Until then, we absolutely must make a difference in a desperate world as we share the answer to the hole in people's lives. May this Easter season bring triumphant peace and new relationships in Christ as we affect people's lives for Him.
In each account, the result is the same. The people greeted Jesus as the conquering King who would rule over them and oust the Roman government that was oppressing them. They didn't realize that the humble procession, Jesus riding on a donkey's colt, was meant to represent a different kind of kingdom. One that emphasized the first shall be last, and children, widows and orphans were great in the eyes of the King. This was to be a spiritual kingdom, not a political one.
Today our world is desperate for another triumphal entry. There is not a political ruler in any country who knows what to do. There is unrest in every major region of the world. If it is not political, it is religious. In New Zealand and Japan it is physical as these countries try to recover from devastating earthquakes and the effects of them. Even in our own country we have a multitude of serious issues that are causing division from Congress to the Presidency, to states that are fighting with unions, to unrest at our borders. States that are bankrupt and inflation that is accelerating the erosion of our way of life.
As Christians, we know the only Triumphal Entry that we need has already taken place. Now we look for the Triumphal Return. Until then, we absolutely must make a difference in a desperate world as we share the answer to the hole in people's lives. May this Easter season bring triumphant peace and new relationships in Christ as we affect people's lives for Him.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Running From the Boogieman
There was no worse nightmare for me as a kid than getting chased by a boogieman or monster. In every dream, I tried to run, but my legs operated in slow motion and I could never get away. Fortunately, I always woke up before I got caught. Every once in while, as an adult, I will have one of these "getting chased" dreams. I'm always very happy when I wake up to find out that my legs really do work much better then in my dream.
I was reading this morning about the account of King David conquering the Jebusites and taking up residence in Jerusalem. It was eventually named the City of David. Shortly after that they tried to bring the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem and failed. About the same time, the Philistines decided to create some havoc. David inquires of the God, "Shall I go and attack the Philistines? Will you hand them over to me?" The Lord answered, "Go, I will hand them over to you." God goes on to say "As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move out to battle because that will mean God has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army." The final verse of this says "..and they struck down the Philistine army, all the way from Gibeon to Gezer."
As I thought about this, I wondered, when God intervened on Israel's behalf, and there are many accounts of this happening in the scriptures, what did it look like? What would cause seasoned warriors to turn on themselves or get so spooked that they ran for their lives? I wonder if these enemy armies ran into the ultimate Boogieman? There is a hint of what may have happened on this day in Psalm 18, a psalm of deliverance.
The Lord thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded.
He shot arrows and scattered the enemies,
bolts of lightning and routed them.
The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at the rebuke of the Lord,
at the blast of breath from his nostrils.
Now that sounds like a soldier's worst nightmare if you are fighting on the wrong side. I imagine legs got weak, screams of terror filled the air and everything was left behind as the enemy army ran away as fast as they could go. We've read the "end of the book." Anyone who fights Israel is going to have to fight the Boogieman, and He doesn't lose.
I was reading this morning about the account of King David conquering the Jebusites and taking up residence in Jerusalem. It was eventually named the City of David. Shortly after that they tried to bring the Ark of the Covenant to Jerusalem and failed. About the same time, the Philistines decided to create some havoc. David inquires of the God, "Shall I go and attack the Philistines? Will you hand them over to me?" The Lord answered, "Go, I will hand them over to you." God goes on to say "As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move out to battle because that will mean God has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army." The final verse of this says "..and they struck down the Philistine army, all the way from Gibeon to Gezer."
As I thought about this, I wondered, when God intervened on Israel's behalf, and there are many accounts of this happening in the scriptures, what did it look like? What would cause seasoned warriors to turn on themselves or get so spooked that they ran for their lives? I wonder if these enemy armies ran into the ultimate Boogieman? There is a hint of what may have happened on this day in Psalm 18, a psalm of deliverance.
The Lord thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded.
He shot arrows and scattered the enemies,
bolts of lightning and routed them.
The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at the rebuke of the Lord,
at the blast of breath from his nostrils.
Now that sounds like a soldier's worst nightmare if you are fighting on the wrong side. I imagine legs got weak, screams of terror filled the air and everything was left behind as the enemy army ran away as fast as they could go. We've read the "end of the book." Anyone who fights Israel is going to have to fight the Boogieman, and He doesn't lose.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
A Wonderful Childhood Memory
On Monday, I received the latest issue of Heritage magazine. It is an Assemblies of God publication that chronicles the history of the Assemblies of God and the Pentecostal movement. The first two articles in this issue were accounts of the early Hispanic Pentecostal movement in the United States, particularly in the Southwest. I read these articles with great interest because my grandfather was a pioneer pastor in the Spanish speaking Assemblies of God and I attended his church in San Jose, California until age 15. It was fun to see pictures of people that I knew, including one of my uncle's graduation from Bible College in 1940. I knew many of these people because they were friends and contemporaries of my grandparents and they hosted many people over the years in their San Jose home. When I was old enough to go places with my grandfather, I would attend many ministerial meetings and events with him. I think I became his shadow. One of the great times every summer was going over to Bethany University (then Bethany Bible College) for the Spanish District Council. It was great to run around with kids from all over the western part of the United States while our parents and grandparents attended the various church services and business meetings.
After reading the articles, I was reminiscing about memories from my Spanish church days. One incident from the 1950s stands out in particular. One of the stops that Oral Roberts made with his huge 75,000 seat tent was at the Santa Clara County Fairgrounds in San Jose. The organizers had met with all of the ministerial associations in the city to gather support for the crusade. The "reward" for the leaders of each group was that they could sit on the platform for one of the healing crusade services. Since my grandfather was a Spanish Assemblies of God leader at the time, one of those nights, he and his fellow leaders were ushered to the platform for a unique perspective of the crusade service. Since I went everywhere with him, there I was, a child, sitting among the Spanish ministers, watching the power of God in action. I do not remember anything about the service. I can't remember any of the music, the preaching, or any other aspect. I do remember the healing line. At the end of the platform there was a ramp that started on the right side of the platform and came up to the platform height just about the center of it. Oral Roberts sat in a chair at the top of the ramp and people lined up, to a child it looked like blocks, to get prayed for. After awhile, wheel chairs, braces and crutches started to accumulate on the stage. Even now, if I close my eyes and think about that evening, I can see every detail in my mind. The opportunity to experience God's power in action from about 20 feet away will always be with me. This experience has fueled a life long desire to see God supernatural manifest Himself in the lives of His people. I hope I never lose that desire.
After reading the articles, I was reminiscing about memories from my Spanish church days. One incident from the 1950s stands out in particular. One of the stops that Oral Roberts made with his huge 75,000 seat tent was at the Santa Clara County Fairgrounds in San Jose. The organizers had met with all of the ministerial associations in the city to gather support for the crusade. The "reward" for the leaders of each group was that they could sit on the platform for one of the healing crusade services. Since my grandfather was a Spanish Assemblies of God leader at the time, one of those nights, he and his fellow leaders were ushered to the platform for a unique perspective of the crusade service. Since I went everywhere with him, there I was, a child, sitting among the Spanish ministers, watching the power of God in action. I do not remember anything about the service. I can't remember any of the music, the preaching, or any other aspect. I do remember the healing line. At the end of the platform there was a ramp that started on the right side of the platform and came up to the platform height just about the center of it. Oral Roberts sat in a chair at the top of the ramp and people lined up, to a child it looked like blocks, to get prayed for. After awhile, wheel chairs, braces and crutches started to accumulate on the stage. Even now, if I close my eyes and think about that evening, I can see every detail in my mind. The opportunity to experience God's power in action from about 20 feet away will always be with me. This experience has fueled a life long desire to see God supernatural manifest Himself in the lives of His people. I hope I never lose that desire.
Friday, April 1, 2011
My 31 Year Old Daughter I Have Never Met
I have been sick, and home, with the flu this week. When I was feeling better, I decided to read a couple of books on my reading list. One of those was Heaven Is For Real, by Todd Burpo. Todd is a Wesleyan pastor who wrote about his 4 year old son's near death experience. The book is a best seller, and an easy read. I would recommend it.
Chapter 17, Two Sisters, wiped me out. In this chapter, Colton (the 4 year old) announces to his mom that he has two sisters. The problem is Colton only has one older sister. Because of Colton's age, his parents had not chosen to tell him about a miscarriage that had happened years earlier. Colton tells his mom that his sister in heaven looks a lot like his older sister Cassie, just smaller and with dark hair. He went on "in heaven, this little girl ran up to me, and she wouldn't stop hugging me." Let me say here, if you are a parent who has lost a child to miscarriage, you need to read this book. This chapter alone will bring tremendous comfort and peace to you.
In November of 1979 we were moving from a church in Manteca, California to a church in Albany, Oregon. The day the movers were at our home loading all our possessions on a truck, Kathy began to miscarry our 4 month old baby. I rushed her to the emergency room and over the next hours they took good care of Kathy through the miscarriage and the D & C procedure that followed. They kept her overnight and the next day we set out for Albany, Oregon. When we got there, I had to go immediately to work because as the new minister of music, we had the Christmas season in front of us with a lot of music to learn, rehearse and present. We did the best we could to heal, but it was a difficult time, particularly because we did not know anyone in our new city very well.
Fast forward to a time when we were serving a church in the Denver area. Our choir was singing the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir arrangement of I Bowed On My Knees and Cried Holy. Kathy told me that as we sang the song, she saw a picture, perhaps a vision, of her grandmother, who had passed away in the 70s holding the hand of a little girl with red hair, Kathy's color. I know that gave Kathy great comfort.
As I read chapter 17, I began to weep uncontrollably. After 31 years, I realized that I had never dealt with the grief of losing this baby. Between making sure Kathy was taken care of, driving to and getting settled in a new city, starting a new job and jumping into the Christmas season, I never stopped. After Christmas that first year, it was on to Easter and everything else that went into this new ministry. On Wednesday, when Kathy got home, I tried to tell her about this chapter and about my own personal experience. I could hardly get the words out. I have not cried this hard in a long, long time. I realized, however, that at one point, my tears of grief turned to tears of joy. Joy, because one day I'm going to meet this young lady, my daughter I have never met.
Chapter 17, Two Sisters, wiped me out. In this chapter, Colton (the 4 year old) announces to his mom that he has two sisters. The problem is Colton only has one older sister. Because of Colton's age, his parents had not chosen to tell him about a miscarriage that had happened years earlier. Colton tells his mom that his sister in heaven looks a lot like his older sister Cassie, just smaller and with dark hair. He went on "in heaven, this little girl ran up to me, and she wouldn't stop hugging me." Let me say here, if you are a parent who has lost a child to miscarriage, you need to read this book. This chapter alone will bring tremendous comfort and peace to you.
In November of 1979 we were moving from a church in Manteca, California to a church in Albany, Oregon. The day the movers were at our home loading all our possessions on a truck, Kathy began to miscarry our 4 month old baby. I rushed her to the emergency room and over the next hours they took good care of Kathy through the miscarriage and the D & C procedure that followed. They kept her overnight and the next day we set out for Albany, Oregon. When we got there, I had to go immediately to work because as the new minister of music, we had the Christmas season in front of us with a lot of music to learn, rehearse and present. We did the best we could to heal, but it was a difficult time, particularly because we did not know anyone in our new city very well.
Fast forward to a time when we were serving a church in the Denver area. Our choir was singing the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir arrangement of I Bowed On My Knees and Cried Holy. Kathy told me that as we sang the song, she saw a picture, perhaps a vision, of her grandmother, who had passed away in the 70s holding the hand of a little girl with red hair, Kathy's color. I know that gave Kathy great comfort.
As I read chapter 17, I began to weep uncontrollably. After 31 years, I realized that I had never dealt with the grief of losing this baby. Between making sure Kathy was taken care of, driving to and getting settled in a new city, starting a new job and jumping into the Christmas season, I never stopped. After Christmas that first year, it was on to Easter and everything else that went into this new ministry. On Wednesday, when Kathy got home, I tried to tell her about this chapter and about my own personal experience. I could hardly get the words out. I have not cried this hard in a long, long time. I realized, however, that at one point, my tears of grief turned to tears of joy. Joy, because one day I'm going to meet this young lady, my daughter I have never met.
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