Making Our Will Coincide With God's

One of the interesting learning opportunities over the past few months has been to see my prayer life evolve. A lot changes when the direction of your life takes a drastic, unplanned, and unpleasant turn. A couple of things I realized very quickly, the intensity of my prayer life increased, and I spent much more time praying for those people I love and care about, my family. In the busyness of a job and family life, sometimes it is easy to "skim over the important stuff" and only pray about the things you need. During the weeks where I had a lot more time, the combination of meditating on God's Word and praying that Word, resulted in learning some incredible truth about who God is, what He was saying to me, particularly through His Word, and the re-arranging of my prayer priorities.

For the past month, I have been settling into my new full time church pastoral position in Tucson, Arizona. We've been trying to return to normal. (I'm not sure that normal exists any longer) In this first month, however, one of our car engines was ruined, so we lost that car, and this week our house sale in Missouri fell apart when the buyer decided she really didn't want to buy a house after all. That means that for the time being, we are paying to maintain two households, and we eventually need to do something about replacing our second car. How do we pray about these major things that are financial roadblocks to returning to normalcy?

First, I have learned that prayer is not bending God to our will. In other words, our needs and priorities are not the important things here. Prayer is bringing our will to God's. Prayer does not pull God to us, it pulls us to God. Prayer aligns our will with His will, so that He can do things through us that He would not otherwise have been able to do. Prayer is not convincing God that He needs to act on our behalf, but it is resting in the knowledge that prayer is unlocking His ability to move on our behalf. God already knew that our car was going to overheat and the engine would be ruined. He knew before we did that our buyer would not follow through on her commitment to purchase our house. He also knows what our income is, what our expenses are, and how we are trying to make everything work out. So, while I might remind God from time to time what our needs are, I am much more interested in knowing His will for us, and watching how He will deal with our situation. If you are facing some insurmountable mountains of unpleasant circumstances, align your will with God's will. Even though it is hard to give up the desire to be a "fixer," give up your fixer will to God and rest in the knowledge that He already knew your situation, He already knows the solution, and He's waiting for you to surrender your independence to Him. I'm right with you, trying to do the same thing...

Time Out

Gal 1:15-18 But when God, who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace, was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, I did not consult any man, nor did I go up to Jerusalem to see those who were apostles before I was, but I went immediately into Arabia and later returned to Damascus. Then after three years, I went up to Jerusalem to get acquainted with Peter and stayed with him fifteen days. NIV

A "time out" in a sporting event is a time for a participant or team to catch its breath, go over a play, get a drink, and prepare for the next period of play. For spectators, its a time to stretch, use the restroom, grab a snack, and get ready to watch the next part of the game. In life, planned time outs, like vacations, sabbaticals, and other planned time away, bring refreshing, a change of pace and renewing for the next phase of working life. Unplanned time outs, on the other hand, that come from sickness, unemployment, or other life altering events, can throw our plans totally off course and sometimes send a person into a downward spiral that is almost impossible to recover from. In today's uncertain economic and jobs climate, many people find themselves in a "time out" that is not of their making. What do we do with these periods of life? Can any good come from them? In the passage I cited at the beginning of this post, Paul is talking about his experience on the road to Damascus, where God got his attention in a dynamic way. In a few moments, Saul, the persecutor of Christians, was changed into Paul, the preacher of God's salvation message. However, Paul didn't pick himself up from the dusty road and immediately launch into a preaching ministry. He tells us that he spent three years of preparation before God launched him into his lifetime work. How about Christ, and the Message that must have burned in his soul during the silent years in Nazareth, when he worked as a carpenter? But He did not strain against the "time out," he would wait-for thirty long years.

E. Stanley Jones, in his year long devotional, Victorious Living, wrote, "Someone has said that in the field of music, pauses are music in the making. There is a momentary suspense only to produce music more lovely than before. The pause prepares everyone for the finer music. Is it possible that these pauses in our lives - these suspensions from activity - may become music in the making?" 

If, in the midst of economic stress, or physical limitations, we can see our "time out" as a time for God to prepare us for the next stage of our lives, then we will have turned a big negative into a positive opportunity for future success. The biggest challenge is to see God's hand in our lives, and not waste the time in self pity and casting blame. O Lord, help me to be patient while you prepare me for the next phase of my life, so that I can really blossom when You bring full release. Help me not to strain against my "time out," but to trust You.

Watching For the Truck

A few years ago I helped my parents move from their longtime home in the Central Valley area of California to the Columbus, Ohio area. They had some friends help them pack their home, and they had other people help them load a U-Haul truck, put their car on a car dolly, and they were ready to move. I flew from Oklahoma City and met them at their home. It was a bittersweet time for them, and for me. They had lived in  this home for quite a few years. Our older three children had some wonderful experiences each summer when they spent time with their grandparents. For several years we lived close enough to spend Thanksgivings and Christmases together, and time together for no special reason, because we enjoyed going to my parent's home. My dad was at the age where he couldn't take care of his house anymore, so my parents were moving to be near my sister and brother-in-law, in a home with little or no maintenance. As I prepared to drive away, many of these memories flooded my mind. I walked around the yard for one last time. Looked at the roses my dad was so proud of, looked at his garden, his grape vines, and the places where he had his bird feeders. My mom's sister and husband were there with them and they drove off to the nearest airport to fly to Columbus. I climbed into the truck and began the 2,450 mile trip. It took several days, with a stop in Oklahoma City, so that Kathy could follow me to Columbus. We would help get my parents settled and then drive home to pack. We were in a transition at that point, as well. Two months later we moved to St. Louis and lived there until a month ago.

I called my folks each day of the trip to let them know where I was, and to report that all was well. On the last day, as I got close, I called to get specific directions to their new home. When I drove up the street, there was my dad. He waved me into the exact spot, grinning and saying his constant phrase, "thank you, Jesus, thank you for a safe trip for my boy." If you spent any time around my dad, he constantly gave audible praise to God for everything. It was so much fun to pull up to their house and see his delight in the fact that we had a long, but very successful trip.

Fast forward ten years. Last weekend, our son Josh, got some help and loaded up all of our belongings that didn't fit in the truck that we loaded and drove to Tucson, AZ, at the end of July. On Friday afternoon, he left St. Louis, stopped in Springfield, MO, to drop off my piano at his brother's house, and then continued on to Oklahoma City for the night. He arrived, after a 1,500 mile trip, on Saturday evening. With cell coverage being so good, just ten years later, we kept in contact throughout the trip. Just before he arrived, I called Josh to find out where he was, so his mother could start the last dish she was preparing for supper. When he told me where he was, I knew he would be at our house in ten minutes or so. So there I was, on the sidewalk, outside our new home, waiting for my son to arrive. As he came down the street, I breathed a sigh of relief, said "thank you, Jesus" for a safe trip, and waved him into the right spot. I know I felt just like my dad did ten years earlier. The time and help I gave my parents ten years earlier, was repaid to me by my son, in almost the exact same way. One day, down the road, Josh may be standing on the sidewalk of his new home, grateful for a child who willingly gave his parents the time and help they needed. That's how it is supposed to work, family members lovingly taking care of each other, each generation helping the other one. God is good...

Losses

This year, along with my daily Bible reading, I have been reading a devotional volume titled Victorious Living, written by E. Stanley Jones in 1936, right in the middle of the Great Depression. The title almost seems to be an oxymoron, given that times were anything but "victorious" in the 1930's and early 40's. Understandably, then, Jones writes a lot in this devotional about trials, tribulations, and suffering, and the Christian's response to it. On the August 14th reading, he writes, "While suffering happens to us all, it does not have the same effect upon us all. It all depends upon inner attitudes. As someone has said, 'Sorrow and suffering makes some people querulous (full of complaints) and bitter; others it sweetens and refines'. Same event, but with opposite effects." He goes on to illustrate his point with the thief on the cross who, in his desperate circumstance, complained and railed at Jesus for not saving them. The other thief, in the same situation, saw this tragedy as a result of his sin, repented, and found an open door to paradise. The third, through that cross, redeemed a race. The same event, but with three entirely different results.

The past months have been soul searching times for me as I have struggled to come to grips with all the losses that I, Kathy and our family have had to deal with. Here in chronological order are some of the major ones: The loss of my job after 9 years, the loss of our church family, the loss of contact with people with whom I had relationships that I enjoyed, the loss of regular income, the loss of my father, the failure to find a job in the St. Louis area and the loss of living where we expected to raise all of our children. The loss of personal contact with our children who stayed behind in St. Louis, the loss of our St. Louis friends who loved and supported us through 14 difficult months, the loss of our son's friends who moved with us to Tucson and left 10 years of friendships behind. The sale of our house in St. Louis at a loss, that will not only result in us having to pay to sell our house, but also to pay to have quite a number of things fixed in order to pass governmental inspections. Now this may seem trivial, but last Friday I lost my car. A car that, when I found it, I believe the Lord helped me find. The nicest car I have ever owned, even though it was an older model, in great shape with low mileage. I loved driving that car. But, unfortunately, it overheated on Kathy and ruined the engine.

Throughout the ordeal of the last 14 months, I can honestly say that being thankful for what we had, catapulted me upwards on the days when I hit the bottom. Yesterday was one of those days. First, I found out for sure that the cost to repair my car would far exceed its value, and I found out that several more items had been added to the list of things that needed repair on our St. Louis house. As I started to set out all the decorations for a grand pity party, the Lord reminded me of a news story I had viewed the night before about people in our area who have lost everything. Successful, prosperous people who are struggling to survive. Early this morning as I lay in bed, half praying and half thinking about the day, I was reminded about the story of Job. I would never want to trade places with Job or the people in the news story. After all, I have a roof over my head, my family is intact, I'm in good health, and I'm working again. So, I'll go with E. Stanley Jones' thought, "It all depends upon inner attitudes...others it sweetens and refines". The next time you see me, I'll be working hard to be sweetened and refined...

That's the Dumbest Thing I Have Ever Heard

Kathy's and my first date started off badly. First, the girl I really wanted to take out after an evening church service for dinner, couldn't go. Kathy was free, so off we went to one of my favorite places. When we got there, she couldn't go in because she wasn't 21. While it wasn't just a bar, because drinks were served, minors weren't allowed. So, as we settled in to my second choice restaurant, with my second choice date, we began to talk. When we began to talk about future plans, our date went into a complete free-fall. After telling Kathy about my education already completed, my future education plans, and my short and long term goals, her response to my question "what do you want to do?" was, "I want to be a pastor's wife." All I could blurt out was "that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard." Under normal circumstances, that would be the end of that. One date, no more. Complete incompatibility.

Fast forward 39 years or so. Today, August 9th in 1974, we were both preparing for our wedding that evening. I was a new pastor, a youth pastor in northern California, and she was to become a young pastor's wife. Moving from a large city and large church, to a much smaller community and a very small church. How our lives changed and came together is a story for another blog, but suffice it to say, God did some real changing in me, as He helped me understand His plan for my life's work.

This summer we began a new adventure, in a new city, in a new church. Our lives have been a wonderful adventure that has included six great children, seven grandchildren, living in several states, and several great churches. Kathy has been an incredible pastor's wife, serving along side me as we worked with students, music ministry, hospitality and many other areas. She's done this while raising 3 birth children, caring for over 35 medically fragile or severely abused babies, and raising 3 adopted children. Little did we know, when she said to me "I want to be a pastor's wife", how our lives would intersect and be lived out for the past 38 years. We have had many great moments, and we've been in the valley a few times. Life has been grand, and then taken turns we would rather not experience again. Through it all, Kathy has been right with me, steady, supportive, and ready for the next adventure God sends us on. Happy anniversary, Baby-doll. You are the best! 

The Breath Of God

Job 33:4 The Spirit of God made me what I am, the breath of God Almighty gave me life! MSG

Two Friday mornings ago, July 28th, Kathy, Shawn, Sam and I were continuing our journey from St. Louis to Tucson. We spent Thursday night in Tucumcari, New Mexico. Earlier on Thursday, at one of our frequent fuel stops, (large rental trucks get horrible gas mileage) we got ice cream. Each of us got something different. I chose a soft ice cream cone. Within 30 minutes, I knew that something wasn't right. My stomach began to churn and I felt like I had the flu coming on. Even though I was able to eat supper that evening, I did not feel very good. That night I woke up very often, made frequent trips to the bathroom and started the day without a good night's rest.

On Friday morning, I took off in the large truck and Kathy stayed behind in our van with Sam and Shawn to return some Redbox movies and stop at a store. A few miles down the road, I began to get very sick, so sick, in fact, that I wasn't sure I could get to the side of the road safely. I was able to park okay, get my emergency flashers on, and slide over to the passenger door and get out of the truck cab. I can't remember any time when I have been sicker than this. I tried to sit on the narrow step, expecting a violent episode at any moment. At one point, I stood up, grabbed onto the seat support and laid my head on the floor of the truck. At that moment, all I could do was whisper "God, help me... God, help me". I felt like I could pass out at any moment and looked down at the gravel on the shoulder of the road and thought "I really don't want to do a face plant on that." As I continued to whisper "God, help me...", a soft, cool wind began to blow from my left side. Even though this was mid-morning, this is the desert, and it was already pretty hot. But there it was, a cool breeze that bathed me from my heat to my waist. I had soaked through my shirt by this time, and the cool breeze felt so good. As I continued to cry out to God, the breeze picked up, both in intensity and in coolness. At one point, it became a wind, again, just from my waist to my head. The waves of nausea began to lift, and I felt an unbelievable peace that God was with me, just me, on the side of Highway 40, between Tucumcari and Albuquerque, New Mexico. I finally let go of my death grip on the seat support and turned toward the direction that the wind was coming from. As I did that, the wind began to subside. As it subsided, I began to feel better physically, but spiritually, I was doing somersaults. God had met me in a real way on that highway.

By the time Kathy caught up with me, I had laid down on the seat of the truck to try and regain some strength. The nausea was all gone, and within 30 minutes or so, I was able to continue driving. We did stop early that day in order for me to go to bed and get a good night's sleep, and it took several days for all the poison to wash itself out of my body. On Friday and Saturday we experienced some vistas and geographical formations that were breathtaking. God's creative handiwork was very evident as we drove. In the back of my mind, however, was the undeniable fact that God, who created the universe and our world, had met me, personally, just me, and breathed on me. Awesome.

The Journey Continues...

This is the first opportunity I have had to sit at a computer and write a blog about our journey from St. Louis to Tucson. It has been a whirlwind of activity since last Wednesday, July 25th until today, August 2nd. Somehow, however, I don't think the accelerated activity is over yet. We just got into our rented home yesterday, and our garage is a sea of boxes, all crying out to be brought into our house and unpacked. It was so nice to sleep in our own bed last night, the first time in over a week. I am in my office today, trying to get things organized so I can get to work.

We decided to help our new church save some money and drive our household goods from St. Louis to Tucson ourselves. I drove a 26' Penske truck, fully loaded, and towed my car. Kathy drove our van. We stuffed everything we could into the truck, my car and the van, and still have things in St. Louis that we are trying to figure out how to get to Tucson. The drive was actually quite pleasant, although very long. Because the truck could not travel at highway speed, and slowed down considerably in the mountains, I'm not so sure Kathy had the greatest time following me. Unfortunately, I got food poisioning on the the second day and that slowed us down half a day. In another blog I'll write about an incredible encounter I had with the Holy Spirit on the side of the highway between Tucumcari and Albuquerque, New Mexico in the middle of being as sick as I have ever been in my life.

We left St. Louis late afternoon on Wednesday. We arrived in Tucson early afternoon on Saturday. Since the monsoon season had already started in the southwest, the desert was blooming, and it was beautiful. The vistas are so huge, it seemed at times like we could see the curve of the earth in the far distance. The seemingly non-ending views were awesome to look at. The picture at the top of the page is taken from the cab of the truck as we were entering Arizona. The picture doesn't give you immensity of the view. Just a few miles from here we got poured on, and then the skies opened up into broken clouds and shafts of sunlight and beautiful color on the mountains. Once again, I thought, how could anyone think that all of this grandeur just happened by accident, that the design of terrain, weather and atmosphere are accidental formulations that work perfectly together in a harmony that is almost unbelievable? So our life journey continues, just like our trip here, up to the top of the mountain, then down into the valley, back up the mountain, then...