If you regularly read my blog, you may have noticed that I have not written many blogs in 2012. While I have had a lot happen that I could have written about, the past eleven months have been the most unpredictable of my life. Because of that unpredictability, I have been on an emotional and experiential roller coaster that, at times, has dampened my creativity. Here are a few random thoughts that might help you understand where I am at, at this point in my life.
Most men find their self worth in what they do for a living. I am not any different. It has been a daily chore to "rise to the occasion." Most days I succeed, however, some days I don't. For the past several months I have had the opportunity to work with pastors and church volunteers in several Illinois churches. This has been a highlight of my life.
I have been unemployed for eleven months. I have been incredibly disappointed with the reality that my age is the main determining factor for my unemployment. Consider that; 1) in my field, I am at the top of my experience and ability to do the job, 2) I am at the peak of my maturity, 3) I have been a life-long learner and I continue to learn and develop in the areas that I am the best at. While I have had a fair number of interviews, my age has had a subtle way if creeping into the final hiring decision. Our struggling national economy has also created a scenario where churches and non-profit ministries are paying a lot less than they would have five years ago. In at least three cases, I could not support my family and finish raising our children on the salary and benefits that were being offered.
My father passed away on March 17th. For the first couple of weeks, and through his memorial service I did okay. Six weeks later, I'm a basket case. I hope that my grieving this long is okay. My mom spent a week with us a couple of weeks ago. We had a great time, but it took a couple of days for it to finally sink in that my dad wasn't coming to the breakfast table in the morning.
I've come to the realization that we are probably going to have to relocate out of the St. Louis area. I presently have a strong job possibility several states away. We'll know by the end of the first week in June if this is the job. The thought of leaving children behind in St. Louis is almost more than I can bear. On one hand I have been praying that God would put us in the perfect place, on the other, I am a dad that has always wanted to "be there" for my children.
I am convinced, more than ever, that God really does have our best in mind. He really does know everything about us. Since October, we have not had a regular source of income. Since churches are exempt from paying into the state unemployment insurance system, even that "safety net" has been unavailable for us. We have also been paying the entire cost of our health insurance. Through many sources, God has helped us in miraculous ways. While we have dug ourselves into a bit of a hole, we are so much better off than many people in our situation. When this phase of our life is over, I am going to write about some of God's miraculous provision for us. God's love and care for me, and my family amazes me. You will be amazed...
